North Korea to host Summer Olympics

Since North Korea is now the only country on earth with zero confirmed cases of CORVID-19, they have graciously offered to host the 2020 Summer Olympics. The IOC has agreed because they decided it was better than the uncertainty of postponing the games for a year or more with no guarantee of when they might be held.

North Korea is, however, requiring all athletes, officials, and fans to show up two months early, both so that they can quarantined in case they’re infected with the coronavirus and so that they can help build the necessary venues.

Also, London bookies are now reporting that Kim Jong Un has become the favorite to win all gold medals.

UPDATE: President Trump has reacted angrily to this news and demanded that the games be held in the United States saying “there’s nothing the Rocket Man can do that I can’t do better.” The President pointed out that all the recently constructed field hospitals could easily be converted quickly into sporting venues.

Bad sex writing is even worse than bad sex

“He clung to her, crying, and then made love to her and went far inside her and she begged him to go deeper and, no longer afraid of injuring her, he went deep in mind and body, among crowded organ cavities, past the contours of her lungs and liver, and, shimmying past her heart, he felt her perfection.”

Extravagant metaphors are indecently exposed in the shortlist for the Literary Review’s annual booby prize for sexual scenes in fiction

The Onion’s customary accuracy

WASHINGTON?Defending the law enforcement agency from criticism about detaining thousands of people who had been living or seeking asylum in the U.S., Immigration and Customs Enforcement officials argued Tuesday that migrants in their camps are free to die at any time. ?It?s been our position from the beginning that if anyone we?ve detained doesn?t like it here, they?re welcome to drop dead,? said ICE acting director Mark Morgan, adding that accusations about poor conditions at the agency?s facilities completely ignored the fact that migrants were categorically permitted to expire at any time of their choosing. ?Don?t point fingers at us, okay? If migrants want to go meet their maker, that?s their prerogative. That?s our policy for any detained migrant, no matter their status or age?they all have free rein to perish from this earth at any moment and return to dust. No one?s keeping them alive here.? Morgan backed up his assertions by noting that several detained migrants had chosen to die already and the agency hadn?t lifted a finger to stop them.

The vital difference between liberals and conservatives

Compare the liberal Washington Post:

"Say No to Raw Dough!" the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention warns, saying uncooked dough might be contaminated with E. coli or salmonella.

with the conservative Washington Examiner:

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention is out with a warning that nobody who likes to eat delicious things wants to read: "Say No to Raw Dough!" But the truth is that eating raw cookie dough is probably worth the risk for most people.

on one of the most crucial issues of our time. Make of it what you will.

(And I guess I’m really a conservative at heart.)